Perfectionism–in pursuit of the worst

In case you were looking around today wondering why everybody else seems to have it together, has all the best stuff, is widely loved and accepted, posts the best photos, is their ideal weight, has an enviable job, a self-help book, 20 years experience and and and–it’s a sham. Perfection does not exist. They lied again. There was no award for perfect attendance after all….


Perfection only furthers us from authentic human connection. It makes it difficult to connect meaningfully when we think we exist only as the sum of our failures and preemptive strikes for the next. When our whole being isn’t enough, connection with our loved ones feels a little more deceptive, isolating and painful. We share too little. We share too much. We regret what we shared. We share what’s not real. Living in a box instead of on a continuum will be dehumanizing. We have always been our own worst enemy. How silly it does all seem in the end….


You can do everything “right” and five years later look down the line and realize that you never controlled the outcome. Because you thought the outcome was based on the level of perfection you could achieve. You thought that the outcome was written in stone, if only you got it right. In truth, perfectionism is really driven by fear of failure, shame, and rigid self-imposed rules. It can be a horrible lack of self-love, balance, and respect for our circumstance. It can be the years we never honored our traumas and believed every lie we were ever told. Perfectionism can be a burden, until we learn to use it intuitively to embrace the very things we fear. Authentic living, they say.

This shouldn’t be disheartening (but I don’t write my feelings well, so maybe it’s morbid). This should be the reason you allow yourself to make complicated life decisions with the best information that you have at the time, and know you’re fully capable. This should be the reason that you love wholeheartedly, as Brene Brown, LCSW says, and live meaningfully. This should be the reason that you use your drive and curiosity to ask all the questions, without fear of what happens to those who look silly by asking. This should be the reason you live without anger towards your arch nemesis and don’t care what they post on social media. (Okay, it should really be the reason you don’t have an arch nemesis, because your battle belongs only to you.)


You don’t need to “earn” the right to be loved and worthy. You are, as is. I implore you all not to violate your boundaries, not to work-yourselves to the bone, and be kind to the version of you that doesn’t know, what you will know in 5 years.

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